July 5th, 2020
Written by Bec Cameron
Getting Through Depression
As those of you know depression can seem to be a life long companion. The older I’m getting the better equipped I am to handle the waves that come. I’ve spent years sitting in the misery learning how to live with that constant darkness that seems to follow. I am hoping that some of the lessons I’ve learnt can help someone, anyone. Which brings me here, currently in my depression and needing an outlet for myself. Perhaps also needing my own words of wisdom that I can’t seem to hear until it’s written down.
WAVES
They come and go, the highs and the lows. Childhood depression is much more severe because your brain is still developing. As I’ve grown into an adult I have made it my life’s mission to heal my shit. My shit is a general term for everything, all pain that I have.
I’ve learnt that when I fall into a depression there are many possible reasons as to why. So here’s a checklist to go through. Keep in mind yours will probably be different but it’s food for thought.
Am I neglecting myself? - Have I been putting myself last? Have I just forgotten about myself? Am I being consumed by something outside of myself (relationships, projects, work, drama)? Am I not setting boundaries? Are there toxic people I need to remove from my life?
Have I been diving deep into my healing? - Is this just old pain rising to the surface to be felt and let go of? Is this something new that I didn’t know was living within me? Is life intervening for the purpose of helping me to heal (bringing people from the past for me to gain closure, new challenges to conquer, have the flood gates have opened)?
Is there a health issue that has a direct flow-on effect to my mind (hormonal imbalance, deficient of vitamins, low Iron, body not functioning as it should be etc)? Is my body needing exercise? Am I in burn out from taking on too much?
Do I need to spend more time outside? - Do I need to socialise? Do I need to retract and be alone?
Have I stopped being hungry for knowledge? - Am I being ungrateful about things? Am I only thinking of myself? Am I feeling stuck, how can I shake things up in a healthy way?
Have I been running from my problems? - Am I bottling my emotions? Am I disassociating from life (day dreaming, TV, Netflix, social media, drugs, sex, food)?
Am I choosing to consume a large dose of negative expressions (dark depressing movies, too much News media, diving deep into conspiracy theories, too much true crime etc.)?
Have I lost hope?
These are some of the waves that can cause a bout of depression. There are many more and sometimes life just throws you a fuck load of shit all at once to just ‘deal’ with.
Recognising how you feel and what your patterns are in life are invaluable tools for your healing. Learning how to be the witness of your thoughts and actions is powerful. You can learn about them from people like Louise Hay, Wayne Dyre, Dr Gabor Maté, Ram Dass and many others. That is the first step to changing your patterns once you catch yourself doing things that aren’t healthy for you.
DO YOU NEED TO APOLOGISE?
When we are deep in it sometimes we can lash out and hurt the ones we love simply because we are in a lot of pain and it is all consuming. Learning how to apologise properly will help you grow and keep the good healthy people in your life. A meaningful apology goes a little something like this…
‘I apologise for being an arse, I knew (insert thing here) would hurt you but I did it anyway. I am really sorry, I shouldn’t have done it and I hope you will accept my apology.’
‘I’m sorry for pushing you away or (insert other behaviour here), in the past when I’ve felt (insert feelings here) I’ve been hurt in these ways (insert ways here) so I decide to push people away or (insert other behaviour here) before I get hurt but I want to change that. If you can be patient with me and help me along I’d really be grateful and I am going to try my hardest to stop.’
SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP
No one thing is right for every single person. There’s no blanket solution because there are so many complex layers to trauma and healing. Your life is completely different to everyone else’s life. No one will EVER know your exact pain, though you can find people who have been through similar difficulties in their lives.
Be open to learning from everyone you come into contact with and not just from professionals. Be open to trying new things that feel right for you. It’s very difficult to trust yourself when you’re in the depths of pain or darkness.
We often want people to just have the answers for us - sometimes this does happen in the beautiful flow of synchronicity however we are not always clear enough to find ourselves in a synchronistic moment and that’s okay. The more layers you shed, pain you release, old limiting patterns and behaviours you let go of. The more aligned and synchronistic you will feel.
Professional help applies to medical professionals and alternative therapy professionals. You can seek them out when you’re in a good place or a bad place. If you’re reading this chances are you’re in a bad place or a place of seeking answers. It’s a good idea to set up your network of support as soon as you are able to.
For me I started with alternative therapy professionals. Kinesiology was a powerful starting place for me. Energy healing was also in my beginnings.
There is so much heavy energy that can potentially be around a depressed person, so for me I had to clear a lot of that. Most of it isn’t even ours. That old saying misery loves company can apply with energy.
Even finding a real genuine person can be more powerful than anything - if all your life you’ve been surrounded by fake arseholes.
Naturopaths look deeper than most medical General Practitioners do so they have helped me discover a lot as well.
It’s only now in my life that I’ve found I need medical professionals more frequently than alternative therapy professionals however I still combine the two. There’s no right way to finding what you need. Just keep moving towards what feels like the right thing for you.
FACING THE DARKNESS
This can be just as helpful and powerful. If you have the time to sink in then please by all means sink right on in. I often find that my depression kicks up in times when I can change plans or I don’t have any. It’s almost like every fibre of my being is letting me know if held off for this moment. I will let myself embrace this time I have to go and face my darkness. Sinking so deep into the abyss no longer running from it, trying to suppress it or trying to control it.
I remove the judgement for my behaviour whilst trying to cultivate compassion for myself when I’m in this place:
If I can’t stop eating… I tell myself it’s okay and it’s just what I need right now. I’ll try do better tomorrow.
If I’ve not showered in days… I tell myself that’s okay too and I will eventually shower.
If my house looks like squatters live there… I remind myself that all of my energy is going towards processing my pain. I remind myself that my nervous system is in over drive and the dishes, bed sheets, washing, general house cleaning can wait.
If I’m cancelling on friends a lot… I will let them know I’m not in a good place and hope they understand and if they don’t then that might be a conversation for another time.
KEEP GOING
Please take time to feel the pain where you can. Learn about how you deal with stress and trauma, learn what gives you some reprieve, keep trying and keep going.
Sometimes we are the only ones that can love us how we need to be loved. I know that’s difficult if you’ve never had an experience of what real love is - I’m right there with you on that one.
If you find one professional that doesn’t help or seems to make things worse for you please keep seeking. Making it out to the other side with powerful new capabilities and knowledge to pass on is incredibly healing. You will become a very well rounded and balanced individual. If you find some of these work for you, apply them, if not find your own way and share them with the world.
How you feel is valid and it’s entirely okay to stay in the darkness for a time. Learn what you need to about yourself and the world, then fight to get out once you’ve had enough of being there. Embrace the compassion you discover for yourself in these times and share it with others when you see that they’re in pain.
Sometimes at the end of the day we just have to endure, trust that you are meant for bigger things, this is just part of your story and know that this too shall pass. You can do this, you have a gift inside of you. These gifts generally come from our pain and we can make a difference in someone else’s life with what we’ve learnt.
Until then…
Fiercely protect your happiness and your self worth. Trust yourself. Trust you are exactly where you need to be even if it’s fucking shit. I know it sucks. You got this, you are strong enough and smart enough to figure out what you need in this life.
Big hugs!